"Hi, this is Chris Daughtry from the band 'Daughtry,' and you're listening to (radio station)"

Come on, really? The band, "Daughtry"? I just about spit coffee on the dash when I heard this one. So okay, Chris Daughtry (of the band, "Daughtry") – 2006 American Idol semi-finalist and melodramatic howler -- has personally asssembled a scrappy little group of his old musical buddies, a bonafide band?

SCENE: Night, outdoors, a concrete patio. Chris and his compadres are taking a smoke break after a couple hours of rehearsing in the DRUMMER's mom’s basement.

CHRIS: Sounds great guys. You know, we've still got to come up with a band name—

DRUMMER: Gerbil Fart!

GUITARIST 1: Scymitarr! With a Y and two R’s and like, some of those German dot things—

BASSIST: Umlaut.

GUITARIST 1: Umlaut? Nah, fuck that, Scymitarr! (Screeching) SCYMI-TAAAAHHR!

CHRIS: I was thinking Daughtry—

GUITARIST 2: Bleeding Gerbil Fahrt! It's like, the best of both worlds—

GUITARIST 1, DRUMMER: "Daughtry?" What the f--?

(Silent contemplation. Everyone stares at CHRIS. A lone cricket chirps.)

BASSIST: What, like, an adjective?

Sad as that scene might have been, it wasn't even that good. First there was "Daughtry," and the rest came later. I know it's just the romantic in me, but when I think of the formation of a band, as opposed to, say, A Guy With Some Guys Playing Behind Him, I don’t think of: "an intense audition process" (in which Daughtry-Of-The-Band-"Daughtry") "summoned his keen instincts when meeting and choosing the players… who would eventually make the cut."

That's the word from his official Web site, which I had to reference to make sure I wasn't just making this shit up. No, I'm not going to link to the site, but here's more:

(Chris continues) "'We've found the right guys and I'm really excited about the prospects of what we can do. We didn’t have time to feature them on the album but I can't wait to hit the road with them.'"

And eventually learn their names and stuff. I think the Pussycat Dolls were assembled in pretty much the same way. Meoww!

There's absolutely nothing wrong with A Guy With Some Guys Playing Behind Him as a concept, there are many fine examples. James Brown, Elvis Presley, Todd Rundgren, Frank Zappa, ferchrissakes. But they didn't try to pretend that they were "the band, 'Brown.'"

I don't mind (much) when a band is called "The (Joe Blow) Band," or "(Joe Blow) and the (Nouns);" that practice is steeped in tradition. I don't even mind the single-last-name option if it at least sounds like it could mean something in another language ("Van Halen," say, or "Danzig"… "Ja, das ist zo focking Danzig!"). But "Daughtry?"

What, like an adjective?

At least now that I've heard the single "It's Not Over" ("It's not OH-WOO-VAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!") which is exactly the type of overwrought Nickelback/Creed/Live, Crybaby White Boy Rock which Chris emoted each and every week on Idol, I can't blame "the band, 'Daughtry'"-- remember, they "didn’t have time to feature them on the album."

Well, that sure was a lot of words, considering I just thought it was damn funny hearing "Hi, this is Chris Daughtry etc." on my morning commute. Believe it or not, I don't wish him any ill will, he seemed like a nice enough guy on AI. And even though a few seconds of his brand of Corporate Whatever are all it takes to make me switch stations, he's as good at it as any of the other acts I don't enjoy, and the people seem to eat it up big time. As for the boys in "the band?" Good fucking luck.

"Hi, I’m Johnny Cash… from the band, 'Cash,' and you're listening to (radio station)"